[WITI No. 60] Back on the horse, back to the source, and a very special book recommendation
Hi, I’m George. You’re here because you bumped into me on Twitter or we know each other IRL or maybe you’re a regular reader (blessings be upon you). I usually write what I’m reading or what audiobook I’m listening to and how to turn that into wisdom I can pass along to my kids. I also write about tax debt here, if that’s how you found me. Sometimes, I share interesting bits from the internet too. Welcome!
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I took a break last week for Christmas and New Year. I hope you had the happiest of holidays. I spent some time thinking about this newsletter and what it’s about. I got inspiration by going back to source: David Brooks’ book, The Social Animal. I’m re-reading it again because I thought I wanted to compare Jas & Lisa’s life together (from Hari Kunzru’s Gods Without Men) to Harold & Erica’s life together.
You might be thinking why would I study two fictional couples? The easy answer is that there’s more data. I could observe others - people I know, family, etc. but there isn’t enough information. Most couples won’t share enough information. I’d be embarrassed to share the unflattering details of my own life. So I study the fictions to find truth. This is why writers share what they create.
Brooks’ book provides some psychological scaffolding for why people act and think the way they might and it often sends me down another rabbit hole.
Here’s something I highlighted from last week…
“Finally, we are primarily wanderers, not decision makers. Over the past century, people have tended to conceive decision making as a point in time. You amass the facts and circumstances and evidence and then make a call. In fact, it is more accurate to say that we are pilgrims in a social landscape. We wander across an environment of people and possibilities. As we wander, the mind makes a near-infinite number of value judgments, which accumulate to form goals, ambitions, dreams, desires, and ways of doing things. The key to a well-lived life is to have trained the emotions to send the right signals and to be sensitive to their subtle calls.” - David Brooks, The Social Animal
I like to think of myself as a wanderer among a social landscape. There’s no flag I plucked into ground claiming for myself the role of a writer. As I read more and more, I know I will write a book. Atomic Habits author, James Clear writes that here about sustained success. First, decide the type of person you want to be. Second, prove it to yourself with small wins. This newsletter is one of those wins.
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For Christimas, I received from my daughter a book called It’s Not Like It’s a Secret by Misa Sugihara. She read the book in 6th grade and thought I would enjoy it too. She was right. We haven’t had a chance to do our bookclub discussion on it but I am very much looking forward to it.
The book is Sana Kiyohara’s story as she moves from Wisconsin to San Jose. On top of the pressures of a new school, making new friends, recognizing and coming to terms with being gay, she is trying to make sense of her parent’s marriage which seems to be falling apart. The book also touches on parenting styles with immigrant parents, teen drinking, stereotypical (and often racist) viewpoints from authority figures like teachers, parents, and police.
This book fit in nicely in the space right before Harold & Erica’s courtship. Brooks doesn’t talk much about high school love affairs but I could see Harold’s story among the stories at Sana’s high school.
One very special feature of the book was the use of poetry. I don’t often read poetry but I plan to change that. Poetry is like a song in its effectiveness to inspire emotions and trigger questions. Here’s one that I happened upon this weekend.
Word of the week
Find of the week
It’s probably too late to start a new Christmas Eve tradition but this one is awesome. What’s your decision make process? Do you wander along a spectrum where you recognize a need, research then decide? What happens to all the work that’s gotten you to the decision point? Is it discarded? I don’t think that’s how the mind works. What difficult conversation with your children are you dreading? Leave a comment below.
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That’s all I got this week!
Till next week!
-George